Ladies, brace yourselves ... Apparently it's your fault that we're being used and refused by the blokes before being f----- and chucked like yesterday's news. Yep, it seems we can quit blaming the formidable "man drought" situation; the fact that there aren't enough men in our town/city/country, or that all men on this planet are only into one thing, and it's not our awesome personalities.
Aussie relationships psychologist John Aiken says in his latest book titled Accidentally Single, that there are indeed 15 reasons as to why so many of us are still single ...
1. You're only attracted to unavailable types.
This seems to be an issue of contention with many women across the globe and, while it seems the norm to date a rake, cad or bad boy who refuses to meet your mates, let alone hold your handbag, it angers me to see so many gorgeous, intelligent women hankering after men who either have a girlfriend, are in serious relationships or are married! Seriously, if you're going to bonk a guy who is doing the dirty on his partner, what makes you think that he is not going to do the same to you? In addition to that, women are increasing gravitating to emotionally unavailable men. But that's not the only problem. Aitken says that women are going for men who are "too young or too old; travel all the time or work too much; party too hard" or more commonly, "they're only interested in sex". And even if he's telling you he loves you while bonking you senseless, we all know by now that sex does NOT equate to love, or even a second date.
2. You're too clingy.
Ladies, heed a word of warning: having a man on your arm is not the answer to all your woes. In fact I recently interviewed a woman whom I refer to in my new book, The Chase, as the "wonder woman" - the type of gal whose main goal in life isn't to snag men, hence rebuffing their instincts which would be to chase and pin her down at any cost possible. If a woman is too clingy - and by that I mean calling and texting too often, bringing up the topic of marriage and kids way too early on in the union and introducing him to mum on the first date - he's going to run for the hills as fast as his loafers can carry him. You need to take a step back and listen to the "wonder woman" mantra, which is simply this: "My life is freaking awesome and, if a guy wants to be part of that, then great. And if he doesn't, it's his bloody loss."
3. You let drama rule your life.
Ah, drama queens. You know them; I know many of them and, quite frankly, they're a nightmare to date, let alone hang around with. No man is ever going to want to compete with all the tears, not to mention the constant ups and downs a woman like this might bring into the relationship. If you are that bored and want to pick fights constantly for no reason, join a boxing class and take your anger out on the boxing pad. It will be a lot less detrimental to your love life!
4. You're hung up on past relationships.
We've all had an issue with our ex. In fact just the other day I bumped into my ex from eight years ago (yes, eight!) and I still had that familiar pang in my chest. It's weird, it's uncontrollable and yet it will be the bane of your single existence if you cannot rid yourself of the unwanted addiction to your ex. If this is you, take on my "Ex-Detox Diet"(XX). You'll be rid of your ex for life, guaranteed.
5. You have a negative attitude.
It sucks to be single. I know that. I also know that the more you dwell on those negative emotions and curl up inside your girly cave, refusing to go out and meet people because it's "all too hard", the harder it's going to get. Put a smile on your face, get out of the house, slap on a pair of heels, some gloss and hit the town fearlessly. Even if you don't meet someone, you'll increase your social circle and you'll put your flirting skills into practice. And we all know - practice makes perfect!
6. You're too bossy and picky.
Picky is good. Too picky is bad. Checklists are good if you're 18. Checklists are bad if you're over 25. Give more dudes a chance. You might be pleasantly surprised when you start dating out of your "type". It hasn't worked for you thus far - what makes you think it's going to work from here on in?
7. You have friendships that hold you back.
We all know what it's like to hang out with a toxic friend who gives bad advice, encourages you to date (and text too many times) the wrong men and who holds you back from finding love because of their own selfishness. It's your life, not theirs, and sometimes, no matter how hard it might seem, it might be time to let go of the people in your life who prevent you from moving forwards. Phase them out. It's time you took back your life and stop letting others be responsible for your happiness and future.
8. You're only into casual sex.
Hm. I am not quite sure when casual sex became the thing to do (see Tuesday's blog topic), but, unfortunately, the only people who are winning in these scenarios are the horny guys you're bonking. In addition, Aitken says that these sorts of encounters can "lead to unplanned pregnancies, health problems and feelings of loneliness and emptiness. It can also result in giving you a bad reputation and sends a signal that you're only interested in fun and pleasing yourself". Not exactly wife material ....
9. You put exercise before romance.
This may sound like a trivial excuse for being single but, make no mistake, I've seen it happen. There are women who are so obsessed with every morsel they eat, every workout they do and who spend so much free time hanging out at Pilates classes or obsessing over the size of their salads that they have no time, energy, willpower or confidence to meet men. Not to mention the fact that men get incredibly frustrated with dating a woman who picks at her lettuce on the first date or puts her nose up at his second helping of dessert. It's important to look after yourself, but please - for the love of men and their meat - keep your diet and exercise habits to yourself.
10. You can't sort your life out.
Enough said.
